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Ibiza's Biggest Audience

5 Types Of People You’ll Run Into At The Ibiza Opening Parties

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It’s that time of year again, when the dance music world turns its glassy-eyed gaze onto a small island in the Mediterranean and thinks ‘yep, that looks like a good spot for a big massive summer long party, I’ll bring the DJs, you bring the people’ and everyone has a big load of fun and takes techno-drugs. If you’ve never been there before then you just might need a handy guide to help you navigate the murky waters so here’s our handy Wunderground guide to the types of people you’ll 100% run into while partying your own face off at the Ibiza Opening Parties.

1. The people who’ve been there since before the dawn of time….

The standard model of physics would have you believe that the universe came into being out of nothingness with a cataclysmic explosion that created all matter, but they’re wrong because even before there was a universe the Ibiza veterans were there, dancing in a nameless void while bumming smokes of people who don’t exist and repeatedly saying that “Ibiza used to be better in the old days”. They’re still there today and will likely be there “having it large” with their leather skin and sun saluting when the universe finally collapses in on itself…

I swapped Napoleon this hat for a wheel of cheese in 1810, I've been here ever since.

I swapped Napoleon this hat for a wheel of cheese in 1810, I’ve been here ever since.

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