Are you’re unsure where to go on your summer holidays this year? If you answered yes you’re probably trying to decide between Europe’s two heavyweight party capitals, Ibiza and Skegness, so we’ve decided to put together a short list of reasons why you should probably pick Ibiza…
1 The Weather
This is one of the most obvious reasons why you would choose Ibiza over Skegness. The average yearly temperature in Skegness is a little over thirteen degrees celsius while Ibiza clocks in at a much warmer twenty two degrees celsius. In reality the difference is a lot more during the summer months so unless you’re a vampire, allergic to sunlight or just plain mental Ibiza’s a bit of a no brainer.
You might be wondering what eggs have to do with Ibiza and Skegness. If you automatically thought that Ibiza has a better quality of egg and therefore a superior breakfast you’d be completely wrong. The real relevance of eggs is that Ibiza has San Antonio’s monumental Columbus’s Egg while Skegness has a weird eggy smell. It is believed Columbus laid the egg shortly after returning from the new world, where he was impregnated by a giant sea turtle, however, Ibiza’s climate was not warm enough for the egg to hatch and it has sat proudly in place on San Antonio’s roundabout ever since. Skegness’s eggy smell is largely unexplained, although experts believe it has a lot to do with the pensioner population and their fondness of scotch eggs and farting.
3 Beautiful People
Everyone knows that Ibiza is one of the most glamorous places on earth, it’s a hang out place for the rich and famous and every year some of the world’s most beautiful people flock to its shores. Skegness on the other hand has former England goalkeeper Ray Clemence. We’re not saying that people in Skegness are ugly but it is a well known fact that their main maternity hospital is built in the middle of a forest of ugly trees and it is believed that most Skegness children fall out of one of these ugly trees before they reach the age of ten. Rumour has it that the video for Aphex Twin’s track Windowlicker was inspired by a trip to Skegness.
Ibiza is packed to the brim with some of the worlds biggest and best nightclubs. Amnesia, Pacha and Space to name a few. Skegness is packed to the brim with some of Britain’s best known supermarket chains, they’ve got Tesco, Iceland, Cost Cutters and even a Morrisons so if you’re looking for great value on everyday household items get yourself to Skegness but if you want to see some of the worlds best DJs playing in some of the planet’s most famous nightclubs take yourself off to Ibiza.
If superclubs aren’t your thing there are still a whole lot of really great bars in Ibiza, there’s the West End, San Antonio Bay, Playa den Bossa and Ibiza Town all of which host a plethora of bars to suit every need. While Skegness also has its fair share of fine drinking establishments, none more so than JD Wetherspoons’ flagship boozer, The Red Lion, it simply can’t compete with the White Isle’s class and diversity. Interestingly, the most notable bars in Skegness are found in the nearby North Sea Prison Camp which has one of the highest rates of absconders in the entire UK, most of whom go straight to the many bars of Skegness.
6 Hotels And Resorts
Ibiza has an assortment of hotels and resorts to meet any budget, if you want five star luxury there’s something for you, if you want one star budget accommodation there’s something for you. Places like Ibiza Rocks offer great location, great accommodation, great food and great entertainment. The Skegness equivalent is Butlins. If sitting in a crowded pool full of children’s piss, eating food that comes with a fifty percent chance of salmonella and a red coat version of Greece as your entertainment is your thing then you should hit up Skegness. If not it’s Ibiza all day long.
Originally published on Wunderground