Ibiza's Biggest Audience

Ibiza Party Guide: 6 Healthy Ways Not To Leave The White Isle In A Coffin

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A holiday to Ibiza can really take its toll on the body and there’s nothing worse than having to sit a couple of nights out because you’ve over did it and caught the dreaded Ibizan flu. To make sure that doesn’t happen we’ve put together a list of tips that are sure to keep you fighing fit and in tip-top physical condition during your time on the island….

1. Look After Your Ears

Ibizan superclubs are known for 3 things: They’re ridiculously expensive, they’re ridiculously good fun and their sound systems are ridiculously banging. Here’s a couple of things you can do to make sure your ears survive your holiday to Ibiza in one piece. Ibiza is an island full of lovely sandy beaches, sand is an excellent soundproofing material. Its grainy nature means that it is capable of reducing sound by up to thirty decibels so before you go to one of the big clubs head down to your local beach and stuff your ears with sand, apply some chewing gum to keep the sand in your ears and you’re ready to go. If you’re not keen on the sand you could head over to Pacha and try to get some of Steve Aoki’s cake in you ears. Cake is proven to make even the worst and loudest music bearable so stuff it in your ears and you’ll be just fine. You could also try listening to music through your nose, which is becoming more and more popular in Ibiza amidst the dangers of tinitus.

nose headphonesAlternatively you could buy a set of earplugs. You’ll still be able to hear the music fine but you’ll get to go home without a ringing in your ears. Your listening holes will definitely thank you for it in the long run.


2. Avoid Exhaustion

Ibiza is known as the island that never sleeps, which is a little unusual considering the siesta culture in Spain. Unfortunately humans aren’t islands and we actually need to sleep so if you want to make the most of your holiday and avoid exhaustion without spending precious hours in bed then try some of these alternatives. Try to sleep for five days straight before your trip. Every person has a sleep bank inside their head, if you fill it before you go you’ll be able to use it while you’re on holiday. By sleeping for five days straight you can easily stay awake for a whole week. Listening to EDM is a good way to put yourself into a deep sleep or you could visit your local unlicensed doctor and ask him to put you into an induced coma. Just be careful not to oversleep or you could turn into a zombie, or psytrance fan as their more commonly referred to.


If a five day power nap doesn’t suit you, you could always try the more conventional way of avoiding exhaustion by getting a little bit of sleep everyday. Clubs close between the hours of 7am and 4pm so we recommend you take a couple of hours between these times every day to catch up on your beauty sleep. If you don’t want to waste your daytime you could always get your head down after sunset and recharge your batteries before hitting the town.


3. Refuel Your Body

Your body is a lot like a car, sure you don’t have wheels, you can’t do nought to sixty in under seven seconds, you can’t carry up to five people on long distance journeys and if you drink petrol you’ll probably die, but you do need fuel to operate so you’re practically the same. To make sure you have enough energy in your tank to get you through a hardcore clubbing holiday you’ll need to think outside the box. Ibiza is very sunny so if you can harness the sun’s energy you’ll be onto a real winner. Try making a solar powered hat out of some old RCA cables and tin foil and you’ll not only look great but you’ll also have all the energy you could possibly need. Another option here is to drink some battery acid, while there is no scientific proof that this will do anything other than cause you a slow and painful death it works for batteries so it will probably work for humans too.

tinfoilhatIf you’re a stickler for the old fashioned you could refuel by eating food regularly on your holiday. Ibiza is full of restaurants to meet every budget and there are also plenty of shops and markets where food is cheap and readily available. If you don’t eat you won’t be able to last the pace so no matter how hard you’re going, try to make yourself have a couple of meals every day.


4. Stay Hydrated

As much as having to look after yourself may give you the hump, it’s important to remember that you’re not a camel and you won’t be able to survive without hydrating. Unfortunately alcohol dehydrates humans so it is important to look to alternative liquids in your bid to stay hydrated. Again the fact that Ibiza is an island comes into play here. You’ll be surrounded by crystal clear seawater at all times and while drinking unfiltered seawater is extremely bad for your health you can make a quick Bear Grylls-style filter using a sock, some baked beans and a bit of sand quite easily. Simply fill the sock with beans and sand and allow the seawater to pass through it and it will be safe to drink. Clubs in Ibiza are also notoriously sweaty places so if you’re not near the beach you could offer fellow clubbers a free forehead sponging, simply soak up their excess waste with a sponge and transfer it to a bottle then run it through your homemade filter and it’s ready to drink.


An easier alternative is to drink plenty of drinking water. It’ s not safe to drink the tap water but bottled water is sold everywhere, it’s cheap and comes in both a sparkling and still option. You’ll need to drink lots of this, especially after nights out, if you want to make the most of your time in Ibiza.


5. Medicate

Drugs are everywhere in Ibiza. Some of them are good, some of them are bad – but one thing they all have in common is that you can call them whatever you want. We’re going to call them medicine and pretend they’re good for your health. You can get a drug for pretty much anything these days and they can really help you to get the most of your holiday. If you need energy there’s a drug you can take, if you need to sleep there’s a drug you can take, if you need to walk around like a marshmallow man in a land made entirely out of clouds there’s a drug you can take. Be prepared to spend a lot of money and to have a set of kidneys that only operate at about fifty percent their normal functionality. The best places to find these medicines are in nightclubs or down on the beach late at night. Alternatively you could make your own medicine out of an assortment of different household chemicals, although they probably won’t work and will most likely cause some sort of blindness.

CONFUSED-MAN-WITH-PILL-facebookYou could also take some non-illegal drugs. As good as your intentions are you’re probably going to need some synthetic help at some point of your trip. Dioralyte, motilium and imodium can all come in very handy over the course of a holiday and multivitamin supplements and fish oils can help keep your body is a semi decent state if you’re burning the candle at both ends.


6. Look After Your Skin

One of Ibiza’s biggest assets is the beautiful climate. You can look forward to long hot days in the sun but you’ll need to make sure that you don’t allow your skin to burn to a crisp. You can do this by staying indoors all day long. Did you know that half the people who visit Ibiza every year are of vampiric descent? You’ll see them all over the island at night. They usually have pasty white skin, spend all night drinking and dancing and speak in Irish accents. You can mimick their movements to make sure you avoid getting your skin burned. If the vampire lifestyle isn’t for you, you could always make yourself a portable sun blocker by sellotaping a large disk, made out of a hoola hoop and black plastic bags, to your forehead then simply stand facing the sun and allow the disc to cast its shadow over you keeping you constantly in the shade.


You could also stop yourself getting sunburned by making sure you always have a healthy coat of suncream on your body. Bad sunburn will ruin your holiday and may even have some serious effects on your long term health so it’s vitally important to keep yourself protected from the sun’s harmful rays with a cream suitable for your skin type. You can also cover up and sit in the shade if you haven’t got any cream and try to avoid falling asleep in the sun at all costs, particularly when you’re hung over.

Originally published on Wunderground